Almighty and everlasting God, you are always more ready to hear than we to pray, and to give more than we either desire or deserve: Pour upon us the abundance of your mercy, forgiving us those things of which our conscience is afraid, and giving us those good things for which we are not worthy to ask, EXCEPT through the merits and mediation of Jesus Christ our Savior; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
I wonder if those asking Jesus this question really want an answer, or maybe they already have their answer but they want to see what shocking thing Jesus might say to make people angry with him again. In typical Jewish fashion Jesus answers their question with one of his own. It was a favorite technique of mine with high school language students.
Student: Why does French have so many different words for the same thing?
Me: How many different words can you think of to say that in English or Spanish? Doesn’t each one mean a slightly different thing? And don’t you use it them different ways with different people in different situations? Voilà!
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? What did Moses command you?” The questioners already know the answer and dutifully recite it: “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and divorce her.”
Jesus takes this and goes deeper, explaining how things were supposed to be, how these certificates of dismissal weren’t a part of God’s original plan. He tells them that Moses had to come up with this as a way to confront the reality of human love’s shortfalls our “hard-heartedness.” Returning to Genesis, Jesus explains God’s intention for relationships of mutual, reciprocal love, and care. From the beginning of creation, this was God’s desire for humans, that we would live together as partners, connected and supportive, one in our love for each other and for our loving God. In Jesus’ response, we are reminded of God’s desire for us to be in love with each other the way God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are in love with each other:
giving, taking, making space,
compromising, complementing,
dancing, flowing,
knowing, showing,
supporting, allowing,
listening, sharing, caring, the Divine dance.
This shouldn’t be interrupted by our human ways, but…life is messy, and complicated, and there are many, many, valid reasons for divorce. It is NEVER easy and NEVER without loss, grief, or hurt. And we are NEVER without God in these situations. God comes to us in our pain and in our messiness, as our collect for today reminds us so beautifully, God is always more ready to hear than we to pray, and to give more than we either desire or deserve. God pours an abundance of mercy on us, forgiving us those things of which our conscience is afraid, things we are ashamed of, things we don’t want to talk or even think about, places where we feel we have failed, broken relationships, unkept promises, divorces. And God gives us those good things for which we are not worthy to ask, except we ARE worthy, through the merits and mediation of Jesus Christ our Savior; the one who became human to FULLY know and FULLY relate to ALL that it means to be us as we struggle to do our best to love and to maintain loving relationships.
God knows, God listens, God forgives and gives, more than we feel like we deserve, (but we do!) because we are loved with the divine, merciful, love that comes from our God who made us good human beings, who made our good planet, and who desires, inspires and supports us as we do our best to love others, love ourselves and love God.
The next part of the Gospel are hard words to hear from Jesus. As always, there is lots of context to take into consideration. In the reality of first century patriarchal society, men could simply write up a certificate of dismissal and be divorced from their wives. Here’s a note, we’re done. See ya’! While there is some argument as to acceptable “grounds” for this dismissal, it would seem that it could be a fairly capricious act on the part of the man. Today, as then, this is in no way congruent with the mutual loving, caring, and valuing of relationships that God designed intends.
For one thing, this puts women at a huge disadvantage in the relationship and exposes them to a very hard life in a society that fails to offer their new status any status at all. The disciples want to know more about all of this and so they ask Jesus when they are all alone back at the house. Jesus’s answers are harsh.
“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Notice that Jesus does include women in this possibility of instigating divorce, an expansion of accepted practices. Let me share with you Eugene H. Peterson’s “The Message” translation for this passage as I find it helpful:
“When they were back home, the disciples brought it up again. Jesus gave it to them straight: “A man who divorces his wife so he can marry someone else commits adultery against her. And a woman who divorces her husband so she can marry someone else commits adultery.”
SO THEY CAN MARRY SOMEONE ELSE. Once again, Jesus is contrasting our human ideas about love, relationships and marriage, with divine ideas.
If someone chooses to divorce their partner JUST because they want to be with a new partner, a simple solution or easy out, then, Jesus is saying this is just like committing adultery. This is NOT the kind of loving relationship that God intends for us. Marriage is NOT to be entered into lightly. As much as humanly possible, we are to try to maintain our marriages, to seek to model them on the love of God, unconditional, merciful, awesome love. But…this doesn’t always work. And this is exactly when we need to depend on God’s grace, mercy, and care AND on the support of our community.
In the third, seemingly unrelated section of today’s gospel people bring their little children to Jesus so they might receive something from Jesus’ touch. And as the disciples try to keep them away Jesus becomes indignant, “Let them come! The kingdom of God belongs to them!” If we don’t receive the kingdom like they do, then we’ll never get it.
Biblical scholar Charles Campbell puts it this way, “…One enters the Kingdom of God only by receiving it in complete dependence on God, not …through the fulfillment of any abstract legal principles, including those related to divorce and remarriage.”
When our lives get messy, when we don’t want to talk or even think about some situations we are ashamed of, then and exactly then, is when we need to become like children, utterly dependent on the mercy and loving care of our parent God. If we pretend that we can make it all on our own, like grownups, not able to admit our need for help, for acceptance, for loving care, then we risk missing out on the radical nature of God’s dream for us, and for our world, a place where the love of God flows, unites, and brings value to ALL. And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.
Amen.
