A couple of months ago in the middle of January, in early Epiphany, there were a couple of weeks when we heard Gospel readings about the first disciples, how they encountered Jesus for the first time, and how they came to follow him. The portrait of these early disciples that the Gospels painted for us is one rather enthusiastic bunch. It does not take much for them to leave everything behind, families, jobs, responsibilities, and go and follow Jesus. There was a little bit of reticence in Nathaniel when he first heard about Jesus from Phillip. From Nazareth? Really? Can anything good come out of Nazareth? But Phillip said, come and see, and as soon as Nathaniel met Jesus, he also left everything and followed Jesus.
The portrait that the Gospels paint of the enthusiasm to follow Jesus does not translate into an enthusiasm to actually listen to Jesus. Like when Peter pulls Jesus aside and rebukes him for what he is teaching, and Jesus rebukes Peter right back. In the Gospel a few weeks ago up on the Mountain of Transfiguration we heard the voice say this is my beloved son with whom I am well pleased, listen to him. The disciples don’t do a very good job of this. The most epic failure of listening is at the cross. Jesus told them time and again he was going to have to die, and it’s going to be by a cross. It actually happens, and the disciples all disappear. There were a couple of disciples who hung back with Jesus, but the really enthusiastic ones, the first disciples we heard about in the Gospels, none of them stuck around. They abandoned him in that moment.
In our Gospel today we have the beginning of a different portrait about a different kind of disciple. It is about Nicodemus. Nicodemus is a man full of faith, he is a well respected community and religious leader, he is wealthy. He has been hearing about Jesus and is intrigued. He knows there is something about God going on in this, but doesn’t quite know what to make of it. So Nicodemus goes at night when it is dark so that people can’t see him. And, since this is John’s Gospel, light and dark are always a metaphor, so this also has something to do with Nicodemus’s internal sense, some sense of darkness in his confusion, his lack of understanding. He is looking for the light, the clarity. So he goes to Jesus by night and starts asking questions. Unlike those first disciples who it seems at Jesus’s first word were ready to leave everything, Nicodemus isn’t so sure. He asks more questions, he probes, but those beautiful lines from Jesus don’t set right with him. He leaves the conversation. He is not quite sure what he makes of Jesus at this point.
Fast forward several chapters, and Jesus, in John’s Gospel, goes back and forth between Galilee and Jerusalem. But now Jesus is back in Jerusalem, where Nicodemus lives, for the Festival of Booths. Jesus is teaching and people are coming to him and begin referring to him as the Messiah. This is getting the leaders scared, understandably so, because their understanding of the Messiah is someone who will lead an armed rebellion against their oppressor. If they get this wrong about who the Messiah is, it will not be good for them because Rome will come and squash the movement. The leaders don’t want to jump behind someone they are not convinced is the Messiah. So the leaders, who are quite unhappy, want to do something about Jesus. They have made up their mind he is not the Messiah. They want him arrested and are upset it hasn’t happened yet. Nicodemus is one of these leaders. He doesn’t give a full throated defense of Jesus. It is like he sticks his toe in the water to defend Jesus. Nicodemus asks, doesn’t he at least deserve a trial? Shouldn’t there be some due process. This is the bare minimum, and even that effort gets the leaders to turn on Nicodemus. They say no, what are you talking about? We don’t need a trial. We already know the answer. He is obviously not the Messiah, and this is going to be bad for us. Besides, he is from Galilee. Are you from Galilee, Nicodemus? They are trying to pin guilty by association on him just for requesting a trial. Nicodemus is getting the point that it will be dangerous for him to be a follower of Jesus.
Let’s fast forward again. Jesus goes back to Galilee, then returns to Jerusalem, this time for the Festival of Passover, which also happens to be when he goes to the cross and he dies. All of those super enthusiastic Disciples have all run away, but who is there? Nicodemus. When push comes to shove, he shows up and he does the right thing. He brings a hundred Roman pounds, about thirty-four pounds as we understand it today, of perfumes and oils to anoint Jesus’s body in preparation for burial. This is an extravagant amount, which shows Nicodemus’s wealth, but it also shows his affection, his care, his love for Jesus. This is more than the bare minimum that he now offers. He is signaling to everybody that he is a follower of Jesus.
We have these two portraits of different Disciples. The super enthusiastic ones and the reticent ones. I’m not trying to suggest that one is better than the other, I simply want to say that there are different paths that a follower of Jesus can take. If you are like St. Peter and are one of those super enthusiastic ones, God bless you. That is wonderful. I think it’s fantastic. But do make sure you listen. Don’t let your enthusiasm get in the way of your listening like those other guys did. And if you find yourself a bit like me, more reticent at times, that’s OK, too. That is a good and valid path as well. One that is willing to continue to ask questions, to push and to wonder.
When push comes to shove, the important thing is where are we on Good Friday? In the end what really matters is not which path we take, but that we try our best to put our trust in God as we understand it in Jesus Christ, his Son. In the beautiful words we heard in the Gospel, God so loved the world that he gave his only Son so that everyone who trusts him may not perish, but have eternal life. Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world may be saved through him. In the end, it is about what Jesus does for us in God’s love that matters the most.
So keep trying to follow, enthusiastically or with reticence, joyfully or full of questions, or both at the same time. It’s all good because God loves you.
AMEN.
